Apple to pay off America's debt

Funny story written by IainB

Friday, 29 July 2011

image for Apple to pay off America's debt
Steve Jobs will save America

In an amazingly magnanimous gesture, Apple, the world's most profitable organisation, is to pay off America's debts.

"What can I say?" said Steve Jobs at a press conference. "People can't buy iPads if they are worrying about their jobs, homes and children. We have decided that it is time to give back to the American public. We're not asking much in return."

It is believed that Apple has sufficient fund available to pay off America's debt, and still have three billion dollars in the bank.

"I did the math," said Lotty Wonga, secretary to the Treasury. "I checked their books, and the amount of cash they have is staggering. It's no surprise there's no money in the ATMs. Apple have got it all."

It had originally been thought that Apple would be spending it's hundreds of billions of dollars on buying something nice for itself, like a small African nation. However, it now appears that they will spend the money on buying America.

Although dubious about the deal, the Republicans and the Democrats realise that they have no choice.

"We are a little worried," said Barak Obama. "As part of the pay off, Apple can be the only hardware and software manufacturer in America. Microsoft will only be able to sell to the rest of the world, and that's a tiddly market compared to America."

"Surely this can't be allowed?" asked Ima Peecee, head of Marketing at Microsoft. "They got upset when we integrated Internet Explorer with the operating system. Now they're considering this?"

"They have us over a barrel," said Obama. "At least we'll be solvent and the world will be saved. All hail Apple!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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