TAMPA FLORIDA (AP) A higher than normal number of criminal sexual offenses were committed this morning in the Tampa area following the announced plea bargain of Debra Lafave in which she will enroll in an outpatient sex offender program.
Local police officials are guessing that large numbers of men are attempting to get put into the same outpatient sex offender program as the lovely Ms. Lafave.
The former schoolteacher pled guilty to guilty to two counts of lewd and lascivious battery in connection with a sexual affair between her and a student.
After her picture appeared in newspapers across the country, hundreds of junior and high school boys asked their parents if they could move to Tampa in hopes of getting into one of Debra Lafave's classes.
Since Debra will not be teaching school any time soon, it seems that the best way to meet her would be through the outpatient sex offender program.
Spoof reporter Craven Morehead interviewed the official in charge of the outpatient sex offender program and was told, "Purposely getting busted for a sexual offense just to meet Debra Lafave doesn't make a whole lot of sense. We keep a pretty close eye on all the people during the outpatient classes, but I guess it would be possible to exchange phone numbers and arrange something after the class."
Upon hearing this, Craven Morehead asked permission to audit one of the classes. "If possible, please let me observe one of the classes that Debra Lafave gets put into…"
After doing further research into the details of Debra Lafave's various criminal acts, Craven Morehead cancelled all his reporting on other stories so that he could concentrate his efforts on the Lafave story. "I believe that a lot of people want to know every possible detail about the beautiful blond schoolteacher. Parents have a right to know more about who is teaching their children. In light of my vast prior experience in related matters, I am just the reporter to bring these details to light. I am hoping that I will be able to bring my story to publication after only three or four years of intense personal research."
The Spoof has acquired all rights to Craven Morehead's Lafave reports as they are made available.