Future News: Republicons to Fire Teachers, Firefighters, Public Sector Workers

Funny story written by Inhopeless

Thursday, 2 June 2011


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(Published 2013) CYBERTRON, D.C. - After a landslide 'victory' last year by the Republicons - a partnership between the Decepticons and the GOP - has renamed the capital and several large cities after Decepticons, including Megatronica (former New York).

Howevever, Republicons cheered tonight when the government's size was reduced by nearly 200%.

"We looked at the state's expenses," said Empress Palin, and her partner, Ruler Megatron, "and found out that too much was wasted on government. So we fired all public sector workers, to keep with our aim of shrinking the state."

Millions of people are unemployed, except postal workers, who are employed by the Federal government, and are somehow exempt.

"Suck that teachers!" said a postman, while being chased by a dog.

What will the Decepticons do though?

"I was thinking," said Megatron, "that we could mine the fuck out of East Megatronica (Los Angeles) for the Energon stored deep within the egos of celebrities."

"But, sir, we would hurt Ben Stiller," said Starscream.

"Silence! The planet must suffer at the loss of one measly comedy actor. Stupid Starscream. I'm going to name New Jersey after you. HAHAHAH!"

However, some Republicans are extremely worried.

"I dunno," said Nathan Green [R-666th Congr. Dis.-VW], "the Decepitcons 'drain all Energon' is worrying. They don't seem to understand that we can burn more fossil fuels, because there's no such thing as CO2. Empress Palin said so."

Megatron said that he will send a Decepticon fleet to destroy Iraq and Afganistan because of the 'sweet, sweet Energon' stored under their soil.

This went down well with Palin, who had the Arabian democracies under crosshairs after they killed Bin-Affleck, the former leader of Al-Queda, instead of her.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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