Sarah Palin Jumps on Glenn Beck's 1791 Bandwagon

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 31 May 2011

image for Sarah Palin Jumps on Glenn Beck's 1791 Bandwagon
Todd Palin, Alone on Sarah's Motorcycle Tour of America. "The b*tch must have fallen off"

Glenn Beck's battle cry for a return to the original bill of rights posted in 1791 has won another supporter in Sarah Palin as she campaigns, but isn't really campaigning across the United States.

Reportedly feeling the outcry from gaggles of unhappy conservative voters, none of whom have actually read the constitution either, Palin is using the loose connection to Glenn Beck and his popular 1791 initiative as a means to drum up additional support for her non-campaign.

"It's the original blueprint of our founding fathers", says Palin's chief strategist, Barbara Seville. "We need to go back to the days of the original constitution, something our liberal thinking friends on the other side of the aisle have forgotten".

Making personal appeals to women voters in particular, a strong connection she had back in the 2008 presidential election, Palin continues to make a case for political and religious conservatism but is now aligning her arguments to the 1791 Bill of Rights perspective as well.

"Does anybody actually research anything anymore?" asks veteran political reporter Dustin Daflue. "I mean, slavery was legal until 1865. Slaves couldn't vote until 1869. No taxes until 1913, women couldn't even vote until 1920, and a President could run for as many terms as he wanted until 1951".

Other analysts think the 1791 strategy is shrewd. "Think about it", says democratic pundit, Keith Bender. "It's the Rush Limbaugh wet dream. Be a wealthy land owner, not have to pay taxes, plenty of free labor at your disposal and a wife and/or girlfriend, and/or concubine who couldn't vote. 1791, baby. Now that's a political platform!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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