WASHINGTON DC (AP) In a press release issued late last night, the Republican National Committee confirmed rumors that it had been engaged in a covert embryonic stem cell research effort. According to the press release, the goal of the secret project was to clone Ronald Reagan.
In a telephone statement, RNC Spokesperson Elmer Fudd explained the resons behind the project, "We know that many people in our far right social conservative base will be very critical of this effort to produce a 2012 candidate. However, they must take into account how desparate we are to find a viable candidate.
"Realistically, with the exception of that stoner dude from New Mexico, [Gary Johnson] all of the announced and potential primary candidates are complete Looney Tunes."
Reaction to the news from the Tea Party movement was both swift and severe. According to the president of the National Alliance of Tea Party Buffoons, Archie Bunker, the RNC can expect a fresh new wave of angry, loud, and threatening Town Hall meetings to begin as early as tomorrow.
Said Bunker, "We're serious this time. I'm talking torches, pitchforks, and tar and feathers. We will make our message known. We want a candidate that truly represents us. Someone like Christine O'Donnell."