Donald Trump Officially Announces He Is Not Running For President And You Won't Believe The Reason Why

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 16 May 2011


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Donald Trump Officially Announces He Is Not Running For President And You Won't Believe The Reason Why
Donald Trump has just stated that he has dumped his presidential aspirations in the trash can.

MANHATTAN - Billionaire Donald Trump, who stars in the NBC hit reality show Celebrity Apprentice, sat in his Trump Towers office gazing intently out the window towards Central Park.

He remarked to Tilapia Frisbee of The Right Coast Illustrated Revue that he has made thousands of decisions in the world of business. But he said that none was harder to make than his decision not to run for the office of president of the United States.

Trump, who is probably the most conceited person in the English speaking world, told Miss Frisbee that he is really going to miss not being able to kick Sarah "Snowflake" Palin's geographically-challenged butt.

He said that the main reason he wanted to run was to show her that she could not get away with insulting Katie "Munchkin" Couric, who just happens to be one of Trump's favorite people, along with Joan "The Moan" Rivers, Piers "Hot Beer" Morgan, and Derek "Baseballs" Jeter.

Frisbee asked the man with the most famous hairdo since country music's Porter Waggoner why he had decided not to run.

Trump put down the Derek Jeter Bobblehead Doll he had been playing with and said that he knows that had he run, every one in the news media would have constantly focused on his hair.

He remarked that he knows that people are simply fascinated with his beautifully coiffed reddish-blonde hair, which millions of women from Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills, California to Fifth Avenue in Manhattan, New York would give their collagen-enhanced lips for.

Frisbee agreed and pointed out that his hair is actually more popular than even Heidi Montag's tits, Jennifer Lopez' ass, or Ron Jeremy's wiener.

Trump replied that, that was his point exactly. He then confided to Miss Frisbee that no one knows this but that he is extremely sensitive about his hair.

He went on to say that he acts like it does not bother him, but deep down inside it really does.

Trump expressed that each time that he hears someone make fun of it by saying that it looks like Davy Crockett's coonskin cap except only reddish-blonde, or that it looks like it could be a housing project for hummingbirds, or even that it resembles a hairdo that a backwoods country girl from 1950s Arkansas would have worn it bothers him beyond belief.

And so he decided that the reason that he would not run for president of the United States was so that he would not have every Tom, Dick, and Harry media reporter make fun of his hairdo 24/7.

In a related story. When Sarah "Crosshairs" Palin heard that Donald Trump had decided not to run against her in the presidential primaries she replied, "Ya know - golly gee, old Trumpy boy ain't as stupid as his hair makes him out to be now is he?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more