Written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 11 April 2011

image for FOX News Explains Why They Finally Had To Cancel 'The Glenn Beck Show'
A photo of Glenn "Crybaby" Beck after being told that his Fox News show has been cancelled.

NEW YORK CITY - After months of speculation and rampant innuendo FOX News has finally announced why they have decided to cancel The Glenn Beck Show.

Maxwell F. Woodpracket, spokesperson for FN said that contrary to what many members of the news media think Beck's show was not cancelled due to the fact that Glenn had become the biggest 'crybaby' in the history of American television.

Woodpracket stated, that yes Beck did manage to cry more in one sixty minute show than the nation's number two and number three biggest crybabies, Weeper of the House John Boehner, and former NFL quarterback turned female sportscaster harasser Brett Favre did combined.

But he was quick to add that the reasons for Beck being let go were a little more involved than him simply not being able to control his emotions and acting like a silly little girl with a crush on Justin Bieber.

Woodpracket stated that due to Beck's hate-mongering rants and self-centered diatribes against the political left Beck had single-handedly caused FOX News beloved slogan of 'Fair and Balanced' to become 'Unfair and Damn Unbalanced!"

Beck would be speaking about the rising prices of gasoline and then all of a sudden go off on a tangent and start spewing forth expletive invectives about the Liberal media not doing what he felt that they should be doing or saying or writing about him and his political cronies such as Sarah "Snowflake" Palin, John "Comb Over" McCain, and Mike "Huckleberry" Huckabee.

The powers that be at FOX News finally had enough and said that they had grown sick and tired of Glenn Beck whining about everything and anything that did not fit into this political agenda.

Even the extreme right wing publication GOPicky issued an editorial stating that Beck had become excessively delusional in his talk show topics as evidenced by one show where he stated, while wearing a World War II Nazi helmet, that space aliens had invaded Southern California and had carried off the babies of Liberal movie stars.

But as Woodpracket himself pointed out the thing that really took the cake was when Glenn "Baby Teardrops" Beck appeared on his show dressed up as Adolf Hitler's girlfriend Eva Braun and disclosed that he totally understood what Charlie Sheen was talking about when he would yell out "Winning."

FOX News instantly stated that, that was the last straw and decided to fire the 47-year-old tyrannical lunatic before he caused the ratings for his show to drop down even more than they already had.

Woodpracket stated that Beck's contract runs through the end of the year and they are still contemplating on possibly letting him continue with the show but hiring a co-host who will do 100 percent of the talking and just have Beck sit quietly on a wicker chair in a corner with an Etch-A-Sketch.

An inside source at FOX News who asked to remain anonymous stated that three names that are being mentioned as possible replacements for Glenn Beck are Ann Coulter, Sarah Plain, and Chuck Norris.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: FOX News, Glenn Beck

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