Written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 1 January 2011

image for New Mexico's Governor Bill Richardson Refuses To Pardon Billy The Kid - And Adds "And I Ain't Kidding!"
A boot belonging to Billy The Kid which he apparently went off and left in a Laramie, Wyoming bordello.

SANTA FE, New Mexico - Sitting in the governor's mansion Casa Cactus, Governor Bill "The Pill" Richardson flat out refused to issue a state pardon for one of the most notorious outlaws to ever wreak havoc upon the American Wild West.

Billy The Kid, alias William H. Bonney, alias Henry McCarthy, alias Billy the Grownup, alias Matilda Snowshifter plied his trade as a ruthless gunslinger 120 years ago.

The New Mexico gunfighter was believed to have been involved in the shootings of at least 21 individuals including The Kalamazoo Kid, The Walla Walla Kid, The East L.A. Kid, The Poughkeepsie Kid, and The Yucatan Kid, who reportedly was an illegal bandido (bandit) from South of the border aka Mexico.

Billy The K, as his grandmother Bertha Stuckfickin called him, was also involved in rustling elderly cattle, molesting pretty horses, cruelly branding unsuspecting chickens, and poking more than his share of soiled doves (i.e. frontier floozies, or street ho's as they would be known as today).

Yes Billy The Kid was no kid and as Governor Bill Richardson remarked "Hey who are we trying to kid now by giving this mean, hateful, spiteful, angry, bitter, notoriously frontier bad hombre (man) a damn effen pardon. I have to say no, and read my lips, 'I ain't 'kidding.'"

Billy The Kid was finally shot by his good friend Sheriff Pat Garrett in 1881 while the Kiddoe was sitting out in the front porch of the notorious Okey Dokey Dance Hall and Bordello in Santa Fe.

Pat The Hat as he was known because of the enormously huge 15-gallon cowboy hat he wore (as opposed to the more normal 10-gallon hats worn by many cowpokes) swore that Billy had fired first and that he then fired off a single shot which hit the Kid.

Billy's attorney Myron "The Bagel Man" Campowitz remarked that if that was the case then why did the Kid have a single bullet hole in the middle of his back.

Pat The Hat replied that when he fired at Billy boy, his bullet ricocheted off of a burro's hoof, bounced off an adobe wall, glanced off of a mariachi's guitarra (guitar) and then hit Billy in the back.

Noted Wild West historian Hollis T. Tifftiller, who has written over 30 books on the outlaws of the Wild West, stated that to give Billy The Boy, as his grandmother Matilda Bonney, alias Matilda McCarthy, alias Matilda Snowshifter, a state pardon would be like not sending Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan to prison for possessing illegal drugs.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Tifftiller thought about it for a few moments and then realizing what he had said interjected "Hell I guess that, that was not exactly a very friggin good example seeing as how the two blonde celebrity bitches seem to always find a way to keep their much used asses out of jail huh?"]

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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