New Mexico's Governor Bill Richardson Signs Hispanic Education Act Into Law

Funny story written by Jalapenoman

Saturday, 5 December 2009

image for New Mexico's Governor Bill Richardson Signs Hispanic Education Act Into Law
What letter does "sombrero" start with?

New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson, who has also served as a cabinet member and U.N. Ambassador and was a presidential candidate, has signed the Hispanic Education Act into law. Public Education Secretary Veronica Garcia said that "the act is needed to close the achievement Gap for Hispanic students against their white and Asain counterparts. Hispanic students have a graduation rate of 58%, to compare with a 71% graduation rate for white students."

"The proposal will focus the Public Education Department's efforts on the Hispanic achievement gap by providing curriculum based on Hispanic culture and language and boosting parental envolvement."

For example, a standardized Math test might include the following questions based on culture and race:

(For white, black, Asain, and Pacific Islander students): Two train leaves stations two hundered miles apart and move towards each other. The northbound train travels at 83 miles per hour, while the southbound train travels at 66 iles per hour. If both trains leave their stations at noon, how far will each travel and at what time will they meet?

(For Hispanic students) Some nerdy math geek in the cafeterial has three Snickers bars. You hit him upside the head and and take all of his candy. If you give the cafeterial monitor one candy bar to look the other way, how many candy bars do you get to keep for yourself?

Governor Richardson feels that this kind of ethnic testing will go far towards seeing that Hispanic students improved graduation and decrease drop out rates.

In health classes, the following questions will be asked:

(For white, black, Asain, and Pacific Islander students) What is the genus of fruit fly that was first used in genetic experiments to identify DNA and genetic drift and breeding for characteristics?

(For Hispanic students) This girl who you slept with after says that she is late and that you might be the father. Do you
a. Tell the puta bitch you never saw her before
b. Tell the puta bitch that she slept with lots of guys at that party
c. Tell the puta bitch that she can get an abortion behind the auto body and paint shop and that you'll give her a ride in your lowrider
d. All of the above

This new act will go into effect at the beginning of the 2010-2011 school year and all teachers must level their tests to the race and cultural background of the students.

Even such electives as home economics will be affected.

(For white, black, Asain, and Pacific Islander students) Design a menu for one week for a student wishing to eat a 2000 calorie per day diet, allowing them to eat three meals and one snack per day and basing the lunches on the school lunch menu for this week. This menu must also include proper portions of the food pyramid for each days meals.

(For Hispanic students) What do you call the round, white thing made out of flour that you wrap around the outside of a burrito?

President Barack Obama has hailed this new act as a great day for education and a wonderful "change."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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