Christine O'Donnell called a press conference today to vehemently deny the rumors sweeping the web that a man had claimed he had a one night stand with her.
"Not true and a bold face lie," shouted O'Donnell. She continued, "Yes, I am not a perfect person, no one is. Yes, I did nave a one-night stand one time long ago in my life. It was with myself and I regret it to this day."
O'Donnell choked up a bit and then continued. "I had been out drinking one night. I drank too much, something I rarely do. I came home intoxicated and fell into bed. That is when it happened. I had a one night stand with my hand and I am ashamed to tell you that this is true. I have lived to regret it. I woke up the next morning and turned to see my hand on the pillow next to me. It was the ugliest thing I have ever seen! You would really have to be drunk to take up with that!"
O'Donnell, then looked at the crowd of supporters and media. She spoke solemnly. I have always been honest with you and will continue as l long as I live. "Since that terrible night of drinking and debauchery, I have never strayed again. I will wait for Mr. Right. I will keep myself pure. I know now, that a bird in the bush is, and will always be, better than two in the hand."
Ms. O'Donnell left the stage to shake hands with every one of her supporters. As the crowed dispersed, a small ensemble struck up the song, "Little Things Mean a Lot."