Written by P.M. Wortham

Friday, 22 October 2010

image for Pulitzer Winning Author Eats Shula's 48 Ounce Porterhouse
The 48 ounce Shula Porterhouse. You must eat it all, bone included.

According to just about anyone who would listen to the man, the myth, the legend of Spoof writing author, PM Wortham, they report that the author did accomplish the monstrous task of consuming Shula's Steakhouse famous 48 ounce Porterhouse.

Initiated by the restaurant as a promotional gag, few have actually accomplished the feat which does afford the winner a website publication of his or her name along with the date of the epic gastronomical event. "We haven't had too many winners actually", says Shula's waiter, Tommy "T-Bone" Terwilliger, "They all think it's no big deal, but eventually the jaw just gives in and waves the white flag".

Others who were in the same restaurant dispute the claim. Some witnesses report seeing the famous author in a corner booth surrounded by what appeared to be "executive types", said one woman the size of Aretha Franklin but without the sequins. "I saw a petite filet on the man's plate, not a Porterhouse the size of a football, and honey, I know steak".

Following up on the discrepancy, PM Wortham was cornered at the Orlando Airport for clarification about the accomplishment and if he indeed, did consume the prize winning side of beef. Bursting into tears and covering his face, Wortham broke down and admitted to the ruse. "After a week of subservient, boot licking executive support at this conference, all I wanted was a little recognition of my own. Damn it, is that so wrong?" Wortham also admitted to not winning the Pulitzer, having no relation to Ernest Hemingway or Einstein, despite the growing mane of grey hair, or having invented the four tined dinner fork as had been previously claimed. "Yes, yes, yes", Wortham sobbed, "I'm just a hack writer for a free fictional news website. I haven't accomplished anything."

"I dunno", said one man in the growing crowd, "You seem to be pretty good at fibbing, and that's something". Realizing that his true calling may be to stick with the lies and half truths of satirical writing, Wortham said, "You're right. I'm going to rededicate myself to Spoof writing and be the best semi-hack writer in the business". The man looked back towards Wortham and said, "Whatever, man. I wasn't trying to be inspirational".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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