CHICAGO - Results were released today from a University of Chicago think-tank poll showing that most unemployed Americans would prefer to be wealthy and have health insurance than live in a cardboard refrigerator box near train tracks.
The ground-breaking study, overseen by noted economist Dr. Frilton Meadman, supported that the many of the nation's unemployees actually would rather have a shitload of money in the bank, proper health insurance and a cool car than no money, no insurance and a crappy or no car.
The U.S. currently has from 14 to 20 million unemployed, depending on which lying, duplicitous government agency is consulted.
The study's findings elicited surprise from many sectors, including all candidates running for office in the upcoming mid-term elections and the entire Obama administration.
The study further found that many Americans would kill their bosses for the right fee, cheat on their spouses with a super-sexy person, and rob a bank if they wouldn't get caught.