TARZANA, California - The former governor of Alaska and female leader of the splinter Republican group The Tea Bag Party was in town attending a meeting of The Big Game Hunters of The San Fernando Valley.
Palin was asked if she keeps up with the latest, modern, up-to-the-minute crazes. She smiled and said "Ya know. I try very hard to do so. I think that it is so gosh darn important that an intellectually gifted as hell woman such as I, keep up with everything modern for the sake of not only my daughters, but for the sake of daughters everywhere...even, dare I say it...the misguided daughters of Democrats, many of whom have babies out of wedlock. Oops! My bad. Bristol, hon, if you're reading this momsy womsy was just making a hokey jokey."
Sarah was asked what she thinks about both members of the Democratic Party and her own Republican Party making fun of her somewhat 'airhead' personality by referring to her as "Snowflake."
Palin giggled and said that she does not mind it one damn effen bit. She paused took a sip of her Lemonade and Buttermilk drink and replied "Let me just take a moment to say this. A lot of people, in the 'Lower 48," and you know who you are do not realize that the 'snowflake' is really and truly a lovely little wondrous thingy."
Palin grinned, scratched her left underarm, and continued, "The snowflake is both a flake and it is made out of snow. Now how many other things can you possibly say that about. Let me answer. Nothing, so you see when people call me a "Snowflake" they are saying that I am unique.
I do not, unlike Johnny McCain, comb seven hairs from one side of my head and cross them over a bald expanse to the other side of my head and pretend that I have gobs of hair like Charlie Sheen."
Now getting back to the initial question about my getting a bikini wax and then getting those little crystal thingies glued all around my cute little biscuit, well let me just say here and now that, that vajazzling or vattooing is not going to happen. No way, no how, effen hell no. I would have a caribou's baby before I would even remotely think about doing that. I mean for one thing the gosh darn noise would scare away the big game that I would be hunting duh.
SIDENOTE: Sarah was asked what her husband Todd has been doing lately. She rolled her eyes and said that he has been tuning up his seven snowmobiles, fishing for salmon, and his new hobby is building anatomically correct snow-women out by the lake.