WASHINGTON, DC - President Barack Hussein Obama announced today that he would be visiting all 975 US workers to thank them personally for their hard work.
The 47-state tour will begin Monday (Labor Day) and will take approximately six days to complete. The President plans on sharing a meal with each of the workers.
The remaining 306,005,425 Americans plan on celebrating Labor Day by grilling up some Government-Cheese burgers and washing them down with "Simpler Times" lager selling for $3.99 for a case of 24 cans.
President Obama added "Things could be worse. We should be thankful that we have 975 workers. It could have been 386 or less if we continued down the same path that George Bush took."