Glenn Beck Rally Attracts Hicks, Flies

Written by manbrad

Friday, 27 August 2010

With Glenn Beck's "Restoring Honor" in town on Saturday Washington DC was beset by an invasion of unwashed hicks, rubes, hayseeds, yahoos, hillbillies, and rednecks. The foul-smelling horde of knuckledraggers besmirched the National Mall towards the Lincoln Memorial. Beck estimated 300,000 pieces of human refuse attended, themselves attended by 30 billion verminous insects of various sorts and 10 to the ten trillionth power bacteria.

At the rally the bulbous Beck and a cohort of hate-filled halfwits such as Sarah Palin and Sean Hannity harangued the filthy, flyblown mob while they festered in the summer heat. Interestingly, Palin wasn't invited to speak but smelling the large mob of deodorantless dimwits, and therefore opportunity, she hopped the next private jet to DC and immediately placed herself front and center before the rapidly putrefying mass of human offal.

Beck, uncharacteristically shod in leather shoes, wept like an autistic child at the sight, and smell, of his drooling, unkempt followers while "The Tracks of My Tears" played in the background and the tracks of his tears appeared stark white against his unwashed face. The crew-cut homunculus strode around the stage uttering gibberish and with each step dirt, scaly flakes of skin, and dandruff sloughed off his sweat-soaked, flabby frame.

A counter demonstration was held nearby by outraged groups such as the ADA (Americans for Deodorizing Action), and student group SDS (Soap, Deodorant, Shampoo) . "Beck's always been a provocateur," said Isaiah Mustafa, Old Spice pitchman and executive vice president of the NAACP (National Association Against Conservative Perspiration), "but having this rally on the hottest day of the year? It goes beyond all decency!"

While Beck's noisome minions plan to depart by no later than Sunday night their stench is expected to remain until at least the first frost in late October kills odor-causing bacteria. Meanwhile massive clean-up efforts are being overseen by the National Park Service, who have had to call in the Coast Guard to clean up the oil slick in the Reflecting Pool caused by Beck followers dunking their greasy heads in the water to cool themselves.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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