Little Rock AR: Fox News Channel reporter Bill O'Reilly held a short interview with Warren Smorgasbord, the newest and youngest, US billionaire at his offices overlooking the Arkansas River in this southern city. The overarching question was how did Warren, a Hog Jaw High School graduate, go from an entry level job to being a billionaire in less than two years?
Mr. O'Reilly asked Warren "where did you get your inspiration?"
I graduated from Hog Jaw High School in June 2008 (second high school graduate) and then worked at Lucinda's Rest-A-While Luncheonette in Hog Jaw, flipping hamburgers. I remembered what my father Jethro had told me when I was a boy mucking out stables and pig pens. Warren he said "find yourself a person who always gets it wrong and you will become rich by doing the opposite."
Mr. O'Reilly asked Warren "what did you do?"
In 2009-2010 it seems the real world began to turn upside down in Washington DC. The US economic crisis was worsening and the new Obama administration was constantly blaming the previous Bush administration. I went to see Jake at Jakes Barbershop, which unofficially is the First Bank and Trust Company of Hog Jaw. Jake knew I wanted a loan and mumbled something about a federal program called "Cash for Clunkers." Since no one had a clue as to where the money coming from Washington DC was going to go, Jake got the Main Street Gas, Tackle, Bait and Feed Store and Elmer's Gas 'n Go to round up all the clunkers in Leaky Cock County. I got a real hay-pile of credit for at least 60 years worth of clunkers!
Using my "Cash for Clunkers" credit as leverage, with Jake the Barber and the Mutual of the Ozarks Insurance Company's help, I got a very tiny piece of the $800 billion stimulus package to invest in "green technology." The EPA was threatening to close American coal fired electrical generating plants based on some foolish notion called climate change, but the Chinese and Indians weren't closing their coal fired plants. I bought railroads and Wyoming coal mines to ship coal overseas. I even invested a few bucks with former VP Al Gore in something called Carbon Credits.
Health Care Reform legislation provided me the opportunity to buy a chain of private walk in health clinics and various medical equipment manufacturing companies at bargain prices. I moved the latter businesses overseas! The Mutual of the Ozarks Insurance Company recommended I hire William J Clinton (no relation) a lawyer from Drippy Dick Springs and his lovely wife Monica as an aide. William J recommended that I heavily invest in overseas stocks and bonds as European countries economies had bottomed out. Then the US Congress passed Wall Street Reform legislation and my overseas investments sky rocketed just like the 4th of July celebration in Hog Jaw.
Mr. O'Reilly asked Warren "so who is this person you used as your model?"
Before I answer that question let me say that I have not forgotten the good people of Hog Jaw. The Smorgasbord Civic Center and Sports Arena, Opera House, Health Clinic and a new wing for the high school are currently under construction. In appreciation the Hog Jaw City Council is erecting a statue in my honor where the Cornbread Movie House used to be. Warren Smorgasbord Day will also be celebrated simultaneously with the Annual Civil War Re-Enactment of the Battle of Hog Jaw Creek.
In answer to your question, that person is the man currently residing in the big White House located at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. in Washington DC.
