Hog Jaw, Arkansas toddler walks two miles to get her daddy a beer

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Monday, 23 August 2010

image for Hog Jaw, Arkansas toddler walks two miles to get her daddy a beer
"Beer before liquor, never sicker. Liquor before beer, never fear," says toddler from Hog Jaw, Arkansas.

HOG JAW, Arkansas -- Tafoya Saunderson's parents have been teaching their daughter some valuable lessons, and one of those came in mighty handy today when her father lost consciousness in their Hog Jaw, Arkansas home.

Frank Saunderson told local affiliate KJAW that he "took a mixture of Jimmy Walker Red, Jack Beam, and John Daniels I reckon I shouldn't ought to have taken -- a 'bed-time dose' at that -- and I guess I just plumb passed out!"

Unable to awaken her father, little Tafoya remembered some invaluable advice she had learned from him that very same afternoon: Liquor before beer, never fear.

With that, summoning all her courage, the 3-year-old set out for The Firehouse, a fire station abandoned in the 1950's that now serves as Hog Jaw's general store/strip club.

Once there, she told a clerk that her daddy was "out cold," and that "he pro'bly just needs a beer, Mister," according to KJAW.

Tafoya then escorted rescuers back to her family's trailer with an ice-cold six-pack. There, they found her father "passed out cold on the floor just like she said, choking on his own vomit," according to paramedics summoned to the scene.

They told KJAW that without prompt medical attention, Saunderson likely would have died.

"She's been a-listenin'," said Mrs. Saunderson, tousling her daughter's hair as she bravely fought back a tear. "Yep. What we learnt her, she's been a-listenin' to. She's a good one, alright.

"Fetch mama a tall boy, would ya, honey?" she added with a sniffle.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more