SPCA Steps In to Block Snooki Sex Tape

Written by anthonyrosania

Monday, 23 August 2010


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The Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, the organization responsible for prosecuting Michael Vick, and for keeping delicious, delicious Harp Seals off our dinner plates, has moved to block the sale of a sex tape featuring gelatinous abortion-survivor Snooki Polizzi.

Did you know?

Hypocrisy is evil.

"The action of the NFL commissioner to reinstate Michael Vick is both premature and unwise. Vick has not yet demonstrated that his remorse is sincere or that his irresponsible, cruel and criminal behaviors are likely to change. There is never an excuse for an animal to die, through abuse or neglect." -Robin Starr, President of Richmond (Va.) SPCA, July 20, 2008.

"It does appear that (Robin) Starr's dog did die as a result of Ms. Starr inadvertently leaving her dog in her car. Temperatures in the area were well over 90 degrees." -Assistant Commonwealth's Attorney Tracy Thorne-Begland, August 22, 2009.

Snookie and her WOPtastic ex-boyfriend Emilio, who is shooting a pilot reality show called... wait for it..."Fist Pumping 4 Love," reportedly found it necessary to train a camera on the bed the two defiled on at least two occasions.

"I can't stand when animals are hurt," said SPCA Director Madeinda Shade, as she shoveled the remains of dozens of dogs and cats who were euthanized in SPCA-sanctioned animals shelters into a Dumpster. "We have reviewed the tape, and, clearly, this Emilio character is attempting to mate while "The mere fact that this man attempted to mate with what appears to be a bottle-nosed dolphin is just despicable."

This sentiment is echoed by Richmond, Virginia SPCA President Robin Starr: "No one should be cruel to animals," said Starr, who achieved national infamy when she killed her blind and deaf dog, Louie, by leaving him in a hot car for four hours.

"Well, no one but me."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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