Written by Lady Godiva

Friday, 20 August 2010


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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image for Hog Jaw Bikers head to Port Dover for Friday 13th August 'rally'.
Port Dover here we come!

Residents of Hog Jaw got news that a bikers' rally has been held in Port Dover, Ontario every Friday 13th since 1982.

This surely WAS news to them and bikers from Hog Jaw, Arkansas, gathered together with other bikers from nearby Leaky Cock County and Drippy Dick Springs at one of their favourite 'watering holes',The Hog Jaw Sports Bar...or as Jimmy Bob Scrotum of Leaky Cock County prefers to call it "The Hog Jaw Sports Bra". He tends to snort, spit and fart at the same time whenever he says 'The Hog Jaw Sports Bra'

The meeting was led by Big Dick Leatherlover, self elected Chief Biker of the whole area.

He suggested anyone interested in heading up to Port Dover should meet around the 1st August as "it's a pretty darned tooting long ride-so pack lots o' them hem-your-oydal creams.'

Fifty-five riders met at Sports Bar at 5.a.m. August 1st and set of for Port Dover at a steady speed.

The 'almost' 2-weeks' ride was rather uneventful until they reached a small town called Jarvis, just before the last leg of their journey to Port Dover, on the morning of Friday 13th August. Here they ran into a little scuffle with some locals.

They all stopped for a bite to eat and parked their bikes outside of a local hostelry. Corn was on the menu and when the waitress heard the Hog Jaw folks discussing the 'evils of corn', such as 'it sure does get stuck in yer teeth', and it always comes out in 'whole kernels when you go for a number two so what the hell IS the point of eating the stuff which was mainly grown to feed the cows in Hog Jaw'.

Well...this was more than the waitress could tolerate - see - the Hog Jaw folk never knew Jarvis held an annual Corn Fest or they'd have kept their big mouths shut.

The manager gathered up his extended family of 'corn pickers' and chucked the Hog Jaw folk right out on their butts.

They climbed onto their bikes to the jeering of the locals and headed for Port Dover. They were overtaken by many riders from elsewhere, most riding Harley's, a dozen cyclists out training and a mother jogging with one of them specially made jogging buggy's with a baby inside.

When they reached the 'Border Patrol Point' manned by members of the OPP - which is normal nowadays as the size of the crowds in Port Dover swells to well over 100,000 (population only being 6,000)when Friday 13th falls in a summer month, their bikes were searched and so were they.

The Hog Jaw riders looked on in horror as motor-cycle OPP members pointed at their bikes and laughed mockingly. The Chief of Police and the Organzier of the Friday 13th rally pointed out that 'ride-on lawn mowers' and 'scooters made from kits' did not qualify as motor-bikes and would, therefore, not be allowed past the check-point.

With their tails well and truly 'between their legs', the Hog Jaw riders set of slowly on the return leg of their journey.

They are expected home around the end of August.

Note: Estimated visitors to Port Dover this past Friday 13th numbered 150 000. The 55 'riders' from Hog Jaw were not included in that number as they never officially entered the town.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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