Bottom kill considered for the annulus

Funny story written by Earnest A. Peal

Wednesday, 18 August 2010

image for Bottom kill considered for the annulus
A cork placed in the annulus to stem leakage may be increasing pressure.

La Douche, LA--Retired Coast Guard Admiral Thad Allen, the federal government's point man in the Gulf, said Monday that attempts to permanently seal the Deepwater Horizon well won't start until the latest potential problem is evaluated. Allen said engineers are now concerned about how to manage the risk of pressure on the annulus, a ring that surrounds the casing pipe at the center of the well shaft.

Preparation H, in ointment, cream, gel and suppository forms, is being considered for treatment of the annulus. When used as directed, it often helps shrink annulus swelling and gives fast, temporary relief of inflamed annulus tissue.

"The timelines won't be known until we get a recommendation on the course of action," Allen said.

Other available treatments include a sitz bath. Allowing the annulus to sit on a folded bath towel in a tub with a few inches of warm water for 15 minutes, three or four times a day, may help ease annulus swelling by relaxing the annulus material and soothing the annular area. Donut-shaped comfort cushions can help also relieve annulus pressure, particularly if the annulus is sitting on the ocean floor for extended periods of time.

Scientists began new pressure tests last week to gauge the effects of the mud and cement poured into the bowels of the well from above during the "static kill" procedure that started August 3. From those pressure readings, they believe that either some of the cement breached the casing pipe and leaked into the annulus, or cement came up into the annulus from the bottom.

The scientists believe that process may have trapped some oil between the cement and the top of the well, inside the annulus. Given that new variable, they're now trying to figure out how to safely maintain the pressure within the well before launching the "bottom kill," a procedure aimed at sealing the well from below.

Three methods of bottom kill are being considered. In the "rubber band" treatment any portions extruding from the annulus are drawn into a special instrument, which fastens a tiny rubber band around the base of the extrusion. Eventually, the extrusion falls off. In cryosurgery, external portions of the annulus are frozen with liquid nitrogen. In annuectomy, extrusions are surgically removed, using a blow torch.

Allen told reporters regarding the timing to authorize the "bottom kill" of the well through the nearby relief well, "I hate to keep everybody on the edge of their seats, but we're not going start until we figure out how to manage the risk of pressure in the annulus."

"In the meantime we're using an overabundance of anti-itch cream," he said.


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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