Beach Videos Threaten Clothing Industry, Group Says

Funny story written by Olive Pepper

Sunday, 15 August 2010

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RINGSIDE, Ky.-The rise of videos on YouTube in which people parade around with nothing on "except a smirk on their face and a beer in their hand" is threatening the growth of one of America's great industries, says a trade association.

"Sure, it's great to see young people with bronzed bodies having a good time making hanky-panky on a beach or in the backseat of a car, but nothing less than the health of our clothing industry is at stake because these videos glorify having fun with clothes off rather than with clothes on," says Ed Freen, CEO of the National Clothing Association.

Although NCA isn't contending that clothes will soon become a thing of the past, the group is concerned that the videos show a clear bias in favor of not wearing clothes. That's a trend the group opposes, because as people become more accustomed to not wearing clothes, people could buy fewer clothes and make clothes purchases less often.

"If I'm comfortable running around in front of a video camera in my birthday suit, I might think twice before I buy another bathing suit," says Malcolm Smeen, director of research for NCA. "Although on a micro scale such changes in behavior don't add up to much, on a macro scale the damage to America's clothing industry could be great."

NCA, based in Ringside Ky., says it represents professionals in the manufacture of the specialized fluids that go into the wheels and cogs of garment engineering tools. The group also represents the cash registers used in retail clothing stores. Other organizations represent the sales professionals who work the cash registers but not the cash registers themselves.

The group has been trying to get its message out in a video it has released called "Wear More Clothes," which has already received hundreds of hits on YouTube.

"We know how attractive it can be to people to give their clothes the slip and just go for it, especially when the weather's nice," says Freen. "All well and good, except that going without clothes will come back to bite us on the you-know-what if we suddenly wake up and realize the business model for specialty fluids in the wheels and cogs of garment machines no longer holds up. And what about all those cash registers? Is anybody that's getting a full-body tan on a beach somewhere thinking about those cash registers? We doubt it."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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