Putting a new twist in the 2004 election is newly revealed Ron Kerry, John Kerry's twin brother. It has become apparent that they do not share the same political stances, and the fact that Ron has been impersonating John has put a rather large strain on the collective brain of the voting populus.
"We done got confused", professes one confused voter.
"My pee hurts", complains another concerned citizen readily armed with the vote if he would simply register.
Ron and John have been taking opposite sides as the same political figure, creating a John Kerry who seems to either contradict himself or flat-out reverse his opinions on a weekly basis. The public, often described in technical polisci terms as a "mangy group of people with slightly enlarged facial features and offensive-smelling breath" has been statistically predicted to vote for "The Karate Kid" in the next election. Other write-ins could include "Alf," "A Baker's Dozen," and the ever popular "Homer Simpson."
The doo really hit the fan last week when John and Ron showed up at the same scheduled speech, both wearing politically unfashionable attire and sporting the same hair [piece]. When it was realized that the truth could no longer be hidden, the two candidates decided to debate.
Ron, the more conservative one, turned out to be quite a match for John, the more liberal twin. Heated debates raged on into the night, capped by an audience chanting "JERRY, JERRY, JERRY..." followed by a good clean fist-fight. The first two rounds Ron seemed to be hampered by a sore left shoulder, preventing him from using a sharp jab which would have essentially set up his superhuman right hook. John was solid all night, dancing around the platform, jumping in and out of the fight. His only weakness was his inability to decide which hand to punch with, though both be strong.
It would have been called a draw following Ron's noogie, but John blindly retaliated with a vicious atomic wedgie. The judge had no choice but to disqualify John. He showed a lot of heart ( 3 purple ones to be precise) but denounced involvement in the fight when he was done.
The debate was markedly inferior to the boxing match, which pleased the crowd very much. No word yet on the next scheduled bout, but look for John to come prepared next time, as he very much desires to win the presidential election, he thinks.
