Middle East Targeted as Landfill Site

Funny story written by Harry Porter

Thursday, 18 November 2004

image for Middle East Targeted as Landfill Site
The new vision of Iraq

The trans-Atlantic alliance of Bush and Blair has unveiled the visionary map of tomorrow's Middle East - a crater.

Starting with Iraq, the US President and England's Prime Minister propose the conversion of the entire area into a massive landfill site and sewage lake for the free world.

Bombing will make up 90 per cent of the 'construction' costs, with the remaining 10 per cent being spent on a new Haliburton-financed dual pipeline.

This innovative project will see the valuable oil fields drained to fuel the ever-increasing demand for fossil fuels in the West, while a network of pipelines will lead into the Middle East, carrying the millions of gallons of effluent flushed from homes in the coalition countries. A new infrastructure will also be put in place for the transport of domestic refuse.

Lord Whitty, England's Transport and Environment Minister, described the ambitious 10-year plan as an ?example of the most progressive political thinking'.

"We are, quite simply, polluting our lands and seas to the peril of future generations," he said.

"Geo-technical surveys, carried out during the present conflict, have confirmed the arid nature of Iraq and its surrounding neighbours.

"Given the commitment for a major geographical restructuring of the region, it could quite easily absorb an almost unlimited amount of the free world's effluent and sewage.

"This can only be good for our environment while giving one of the earth's most inhospitable places the moisture it has craved for centuries."

George Bush's Republican administration firmly believes the key to a healthier US environment is in the hands of the major corporations.

Globalisation will, under the White House's Clear Skies Initiative, allow big business to step in and solve many countries' industrial and domestic refuse problems.

As every nation struggles to cope with an ever growing mountain of garbage, the Middle East landfill site makes perfect sense.

Improved transport links, followed by a fair tendering process, will see a conglomerate of companies shipping the daily garbage output of subscribing countries into this desert crater.

"It's a win-win sitation," said Sefton Delmer, environmental adviser to the Bush administration.

"This will create many jobs for Middle Eastern men, women and children. An incredible manpower will be required to level off this continuing mountain of waste, as well as treating and monitoring the torrent which will pour into the sewage lake.

"It's an idea that will be globally welcomed - every time we flush, we're helping a country get back on its feet."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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