Robert Byrd, the only dead man to be eulogized by a comatose president, was put to rest today, ending a career of service to his country and the KKK. Byrd, who claims that he never hung a black man without wearing a white robe, had a long and distinguished career in both the US Senate and as Grand Dragon of the KKK.
Renowned for his homespun southern dialect that woke fellow Senators from their slumber, Byrd was idolized for being a "pork barrel and a half" smarter than Teddy Kennedy.
President Obama, who spoke without aide of a TelePrompter, forgot to move his lips while praising the deceased Senator. Fighting off efforts of his Secret Service agents to resusitate him, he was as effusive as one might be while trying to imagine being on the golf course. Obama appeared quite moved by the loss of a man who he might have caddied for fifty years ago.
While grabbing a handful of the Senator's ashes before throwing them over his shoulder, the President said, "A Byrd in the hand is worth two in the Bush."