Carly Fiorina's Husband Says She Combs Her Hair with an HP Word Processor

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Friday, 2 July 2010

image for Carly Fiorina's Husband Says She Combs Her Hair with an HP Word Processor
Frank Fiorina finds the California Senate candidate less pole-a-rising in recent years.

SACRAMENTO -- California Republican Senate candidate Carly Fiorina says that the federal government's $862 billion stimulus package hasn't done nearly enough to create jobs.

The former chief executive of Hughlet-Packard said Friday that President Obama's stimulus policy has failed, and that she would have offered tax breaks to companies that hire unemployed workers instead.

"I think we need to be focused on job creation," said Fiorina. "And we haven't been focused on job creation. So, let's give small businesses a two-year payroll tax holiday if they hire unemployed workers."

Fiorina took over as CEO of the small business Hughlet-Packard in 1999, but resigned from the mom-and-pop operation in 2005 under pressure from its board of directors, who said her administration of the company's affairs had been a failure; the company's share price fell over 50% after Fiorina took over in 1999.

Lacking a suitable tax break for the small business, Fiorina regrettably was forced to hack it to pieces, creating even smaller companies and thousands of unemployed former Hughlet-Packard workers during the same period.

On the other hand, she was offered a severance package for her efforts worth about $21.4 million, including $14 million in severance pay and a $7.4 million bonus for "meeting certain performance goals," according to terms of the agreement. In addition, she received a pension of $200,000 a year.

Fiorina was also allowed to use the company's thin, sans-serif Futuro font for her Senate campaign logo to help create an appearance of efficiency and forwardness.

Current husband Frank Fiorina said Carly even combs her hair with a Hughlet-Packard word processor, and for much the same reason.

He defended his wife's record of job creation, adding, "You have no idea how much work it's been putting up with her for the last 25 years!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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