California Passes Law Banning Hamburgers

Written by Charpa93

Friday, 25 June 2010

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Banned in California

Sacramento, CA - In yet another nation-leading move, the California Senate has passed Bill 1535 banning hamburgers in California. Fast food restaurants have until September to close their doors or change their menus to remove any hamburger food items now offered. The bill was introduced after the latest hamburger recall for e-coli bacteria contamination angered hundreds of vegans who said that "hamburgers are making our children mentally and physically sick."

All restaurants and supermarkets that sell hamburgers either cooked or raw have the same amount of time to remove the banned food from menus and shelves.

"It has been a long time coming," said Summer Gladdness Solstice, the loudest voice behind the "Ban Burgers" campaign and a proud member of PETA, "but we've finally accomplished what most said we couldn't and that is get dead meat out of the hands of our children."

So far, there hasn't been the uproar that the legislature thought would follow the passage of the bill. Most Californians have exchanged avocados and mushrooms for their choice of hamburger-type sandwiches anyway. Said Solstice "there will be a few holdouts, but with the majority of the people looking in on their neighbors, they'll think twice before they fire up that grill and try and get away with cooking some animal's flesh."

Some are saying there is an upside to this burger ban and that is it will drive Arnold Schwarzenegger from office. "He fought hard to keep meat off the ballot," said Solstice, "but the people of California pushed and end result is he'll have to fly to another state to get his meat. We're going after Hummers next."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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