Written by Chief Cheese

Saturday, 26 March 2005

image for Pakistan's F16 purchase is 1 millionth for DefenseDepartmentSales.com
Mr. Rumsfeld demostrating his "Bela Lugosi"

The Pentagon.-"Jeff Bezos had better watch out!" ejaculated Secretary of Defense Don Rumsfeld today as he answered questions from the press about Pakistan's purchase of U.S. made F-16s.

"As it turns out, I'd like to congratulate Pakistan for their purchase earlier this week-it was the 1 millionth sale on our new site, DefenseDepartmentSales.com. Pakistan has won its choice of a trip to Disneyworld, in Orlando, Florida, or Six Flags in Arlington, Texas," announced Rumsfeld at his weekly Pentagon press conference.

The announcement came as little surprise to most of the veteran Defense department reporters. Just last week Rumsfeld discussed the new website.

"The Pentagon has been an icon of the so-called ‘brick and mortar' sales organization since its inception. Deals were made here-in this building-and so if you were not able to make your way here by some means, then you were, as they say, S-O-L.

"So along with the modernization of our Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines, it was decided to modernize our sales efforts as well. Thus, I conceived DefenseDepartmentSales.com.," said Rumsfeld. "Now anyone with a computer and an internet connection with a speed of, say, 56 k, can order their weapons on-line."

"This site is incredibly fast and easy to use," said Abu Musab el-Zarqawi, the new Minister for Weapons Procurement in the Pakistani government. "It used to be that weapon purchases on this scale from the U.S. required an act of Congress. Now all we need is a user-name and password. It's fantastic."

Mr. Rumsfeld was asked how the impending deal with Pakistan would effect the U.S.'s relations with Pakistan's neighbor, India.

"Pakistan's relationship with India is one of major concern for the Pentagon and the State Department," said Rumsfeld. "Our server is over there in Mumbai. We wouldn't want Pakistan doing anything that might knock our little baby off-line."

Earlier in the week President Bush commented on the tense relations between Pakisatan and India. "I'm very, very glad to have Condi Rice available to mediate over Kashmir," said Bush. "It's only appropriate that a woman should do so. My daughters argued over a cashmere one time and Laura settled that one."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Pakistan, Pentagon

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