Dan Rather, former disgraced CBS news anchor and star of 60 minutes, reacted incredulously today after hearing UK former journalist Piers Morgan had been hired to replace Larry King at CNN after 25 years.
"You've gotta be shittin' me," said the now greying, dissipated Rather, former darling of the left. "I tweaked a little story about George Bush never learning to fly in the National Guard, even though he was a performing Blue Angel, and get fired! Do you know how many appeals I've lost, and how much money I've spent trying to get my job back? Barbra Streissand and Sean Penn won't even return my calls!"
Rather was referring to the sacking of Morgan while editor of the Daily Mirror for running a bogus feature on British troops allegedly torturing and abusing an Iraqi prisoner.
Due to the feature, terrorist recruitment jumped in down town London, prayer rugs jumped off the shelves, and Pakistani importers couldn't keep up with the demand for Burkas, especially in size 18 an up.
The victims of the hoax, in addition to the Honour of the Realm, was the Queens Lancashire Guards, a fighting force with a proud heritage.
Belated investigations proved that a vehicle in the background of the alleged abuse photos, never left the motor pool in Lancashire, pictures of a captured terrorist being pissed on was nothing more than a golden shower party for a mate after a Spoof Pub Crawl, and the uniforms in question and worn by the abusers were traced to a used clothing store in Wales.
Morgan, an avowed anti war sympathizer, declined to acknowledge the slur, and was summarily fired by the Mirror, who published an abject apology on the matter.
Morgan whilst looking for a job was turned down for a shot as MC on "To Tell The Truth', producers saying 'he lacked veracity,' before being picked up by' Britain's Got Talent. '
Prior to being named to succeed wrinkled Larry King, Morgan was a judge on 'America's Got Talent' despite being heard off camera saying, "these folks over here are shite...Jedward's got more talent in both his little winkies"
Dan Rather called Morgan "A lying limey BASTARD and said he wouldn't accept an invitation to be interviewed on the new show tentatively titled "World's Biggest Richest Liars' set to be sponsored by Goldman Sachs.
