The "Million Nun March," a protest march on Washington D.C., failed to meet expectations this week in the nation's capital. Of the thousands of Catholic diocese, parishes, and convents, a grand total of three nuns showed up.
The protest, modelled after such events as "The Million Man March" and the civil rights and Vietnam protests of the 60's, was not a success as the city was only invaded by a trio of "penguins."
One of the group, however, wasn't a real nun. It was actress Whoopi Goldberg, who dug her "Sister Act" costume out of her closet for the event. "I just can't get out of the habit of putting this on whenever I see a group of sisters. I want to be with them again as another Bride of Christ."
Another celebrity that played a nun, Sally Field, did send her regrets for not being there. The former Sister Bertrille said "I planned on flying in for the event, but schedules just didn't mesh well and my plans didn't get off the ground."
The nuns were marching on Washington to protest their treatment and living conditions. When asked why they were flying to Washington to do this, an organizing Sister had the answer. "It was cheaper to come to Washington to do this than to fly all the way to Vatican City," said Sister Mary Elephant of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion. "Besides, I took advantage of a special and got double frequent flyer miles."
Nuns were protesting for the ability to wear other, more breathable habits. They also wanted the right to pick their own undergarments and "not have to get stuck in white, cotton, granny panties all of the time. Some of us are young and want to wear bikini panties or even thongs that have a little color to them. They also would make us feel sexier and better about ourselves."
SIster Mary Elephant plans to schedule another march at a later date when more nuns might be available. "The first full week of summer was probably a bad idea. I think that too many of my sisters are working on their tans or taking vacation this week."