Texas -- Amid fierce controversy, the Texas Board of Education has finally approved significant changes to the state's education curriculum for the next 10 years, which could very well impact other states as well.
"We opted for simplicity and frugality," one republican board member stated.
"We weighed a number of considerations -- the current economic environment, including course content, and in the end the final decision turns out to have been a no-brainer," the board member beamed whilst holding up the well-worn, yet finally approved curriculum compilation bounded into just one black covered textbook.
"I really don't understand what all the fuss is about," another republican board member fumed off the record.
"You've got your history in there; you've got wonderful poetry and stuff strewn throughout for English classes; social studies and what not all throughout; you've got wood shop in the very first book, though admittedly, we'll have to scale that project down a bit; and of course, all the science we could ever have any use for is right there starting with the very first page!"
As if to finish that line of thought, another republican board member immediately chimed in noting, "yeah, and don't forget the advanced law courses in book 3!" he added helpfully.
Although all republican board members acknowledged a lack of mathematics in the newly approved textbook for Texas schools, other than an introduction into cubits, they unanimously agreed that providing basic, relevant, and worthwhile curriculum content was what mattered most.
"Given that the approved curriculum is all that really matters in the long run," a republican board member assured, "I think most of us realized that the ultimate goal here is not to over-complicate matters. So, we focused on one book, one message. Besides, what more could anyone possibly need to know?" she asked rhetorically.
Others noted the explicit lack of female role models within the new text.
"Why are all the women in this textbook a bunch of whores, prostitutes, and otherwise conniving troublemakers working on behalf of Satan?" one interested Texan wondered aloud. "Is this some sort of twisted republican version of sex education?"
As for the dejected democrats, who were far outnumbered on the board, defeat came at an exhausting price. "What can I say, it's Texas..." one democrat trailed off in disbelief.
Another democratic board member noted with a hint of sarcasm, "Well, for all it's academic deficiencies, at least the new textbook offers hope: hope that the vast majority of mankind will be agonizingly tortured and burnt for an eternity, whilst a minuscule few, including our most fortunate of republican board members, watch on with glee whilst indulging in fine wine and cheese. What republican could be against that?"
After a short moment, a male voice rose above the silence from within the boardroom, "Nah, I'd rather have 72 virgins!"
