Written by Guy Bellefonte

Friday, 28 May 2010

image for Boy Repeats Second Grade For Third Consecutive Year
Child Left Behind

Des Moines, IA- Frankie Donovan recently set a dubious record at St. Francis Elementary School-repeating second grade for an unprecedented third year in a row.

The Donovan's received the news late Friday afternoon.

"We're a little disappointed, but not completely surprised," said Frankie's mother, Grace. "He's stuck in a tough spot where he doesn't quite qualify for the special class and he just barely meets the regular class standards. It's times like this I regret filling his bottles with Mountain Dew and plopping him in front of Jerry Springer during those impressionable toddler years."

Frankie's teacher, Gloria Wright tells MPG that this local dunce struggles with addition, subtraction, remembering his last name, my name and vowels. "It's like he's messing with me, but he's really not. It's sad and extremely frustrating at the same time."

"At the beginning of the year we asked the kids what they wanted to be when they grew up," said Ms. Wright. "When Frankie's turn came up he said he wanted to be a rocket scientist. The whole class erupted in laughter. I told him he'd have a better chance getting run over by a car driven by a rocket scientist. He already has that deer in the head lights look."

Frankie says he's looking forward to his upcoming summer vacation so he can give his brain a rest.

First on his to do list: Putting on roller skates, climbing on the roof, then skating off the roof onto an exercise trampoline which he estimates will launch him over his neighbor's fence and into their pool.

"It's gonna be sweet when I'm flying through the air. I'm gonna be higher than the birds," Frankie said with an optimistic grin.

Also on his summer schedule, playing with illegal fireworks that his out of town uncle gave him last 4th of July and experimenting with the microwave while Mom's out getting her hair done.

Those involved with this situation hope that the fourth attempt this fall will be successful. Young Frankie is trying to stay positive.

"It's not all bad," the experienced second grader said. "I'm going to be the biggest kid in my class again, plus I really know my way around the classroom and I really like my teacher, Ms. ugh, Ms. Teacher?"

Best of luck Frankie!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: School, Education

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