Washington, DC - Mexico's President, Felipe Calderone was in Washington, DC this past week visiting President Obama and attending a state dinner thrown in his honor. President Calderone, however, stepped all over the rules of etiquette when asked to speak before dinner.
Instead of the obligatory "thank you for having me"s, Calderone began accusing the United States of favoring Canada over Mexico because of race and claiming that America and Canada are covering up the real reason behind the sudden backlash against illegal Mexican immigrants in America.
In his "toast" Calderone theorized that the whole Mexican illegal immigration thing is being blown out of proportion intentionally in order to take heat off of the growing drug problem plaguing America from the north. Calderone claimed that huge quantities of drugs such as ecstasy and methamphetamine are making their way across the border from Cornwall, Ontario and into Massena, NY via the Three Nations Crossing that spans the St. Lawrence River, but America is quick to blame Mexico for all its problems because they can't bring themselves to believe that pale men are just as corrupt or more so than as incredibly handsome, suntanned ones from the South.
"Oh sure, you come and you enjoy our beaches and our beautiful resorts, you drink our tequila and have our women, and your women ogle our men, but then you go home and call us bad names and treat us like scum, all the while shaking hands with the Canadians as your true friends. Do you not realize how ugly most Canadians are? Do you not care that just the glare off their white skin has been known to blind a man? Please," he continued, "tell me honestly, how many of your Americans actually go to Canada every year to party like they do in Mexico? I suspect it is very few, save for those who like to ski."
While President Obama told Calderone he sympathized with him, he also said that the real difference is that many rich Americans actually take ecstasy recreationally and therefore have not demanded any action be taken to stem the flow of that drug into America. And while methamphetamine is a much more dangerous drug, the folks in America who make it are just getting tired of having to go to the trouble of making it themselves and appreciate the gangs to the north taking on the dangerous practice for them so that they can address more urgent matters such as what gun to bring to the next political rally or how to re-write history to make themselves appear even whiter than they already are.
Once Calderone said his piece, he sat down to an elegant dinner of tripe soup and fish tacos, while the rest of the party dined on filet mignon and truffles.