Written by Lorenzo Dunning

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

image for Junior Campers Claim Responsibility for Oil Spill; Limbaugh Says "I Told You So"
Oil spill

On his April 29 broadcast, conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh hinted that environmentalists were behind the BP oil well explosion in the Gulf of Mexico. Many of Limbaugh's liberal foes have been mocking his comment, but today, four members of the environmental group, the Junior Campers, claimed responsibility for planning the oil spill.

"We did it to fulfill one of the requirements for our environmental science merit badge," explained one of the enthusiastic Campers. "You have to earn the Environmental Science merit badge if you want to become an Eagle Camper, but Limbaugh wouldn't know that because he never was an Eagle Camper."

As part of fulfilling their requirements for the Environmental Science merit badge, Junior Campers have the option to conduct "an experiment to find out how living things respond to changes in their environments." They may also choose to conduct "an experiment to identify the methods that could be used to mediate (reduce) the effects of an oil spill on waterfowl."

"We were just trying to kill two birds with one stone," said one of the other Campers. "Not only did this give us the chance to see how fish adapt to oil in the ocean environment, but it also gave us a chance to experiment with ways to save waterfowl from the spill."

Limbaugh responded to the news with an "I-told-you-so" segment on his broadcast. "Didn't I tell you that liberals were behind this?" Limbaugh gloated.

He then accused Junior Camper leaders of indoctrinating boys with liberalism. "Just consider the pro-liberal merit badges they offer. There's the American Cultures merit badge, which I'm sure promotes the liberal cause of diversity. There is a Citizenship in the World merit badge, which obviously encourages Campers to oppose America's stand-alone spirit. And I'm sure that the American Labor merit badge encourages Campers to support liberal labor unions." Limbaugh said that other pro-liberal merit badges included Disabilities Awareness, Forestry, Indian Lore, Journalism, Nature, Oceanography, Public Health, and Soil and Water Conservation.

"I thought Rush was our friend," said one of the Junior Campers as he fought back tears. "He always supported us when we wanted to kick homosexuals out of the Junior Campers. But when you blow up one offshore oil rig, you find out who your real friends are."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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