Los Angeles- Levi Johnston, fresh off his stunningly forgettable Playgirl shoot, announced to a packed press conference of 3 or 4 reporters that he was ready to take the exploitation of his fortunate teenage liaison with the daughter of former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin to a new level.
As the support of hysterical liberals whose hatred of Palin previously ensured Johnston's high profile lifestyle wanes, Johnston revealed that he now knows what he must do to extend his currently expired 15 minutes of fame.
"I'm still getting invited to parties in Hollywood" Johnston reported, "And that puts me right where I need to be because I'm planning a celebrity offspring booty call this summer. The truth is, most of these Hollywood girls are so f'ed up, I predict a new illegitimate baby and my own reality television show on the E Network by Spring 2011."
When asked what he would do should his plans not come to fruition, Johnston snapped, "Who you callin' a fruit? If anyone's a fruit Todd Plain's a fruit. And so is Sarah. Have a I said that yet? Did I mention that to Vanity Fair or to The Early Show or to Larry King Live or Tyra Banks? If I didn't I should have. The whole Palin family are lesbians. Phony lesbians. I swear."
As reporters drifted away, Johnston attempted to call them back by claiming that Palin actually is a man. "The whole thing is a lie!" he shouted. "Sarah's real name is Steve and she's from Hoboken, New Jersey. I swear."
"Bristol Palin has bad breath and over-salts her food! I swear!"
"Hey, come back!"
