Written by Brianmurfy

Sunday, 16 January 2005

image for ACLU and PFAW Sues to Stop Religious Names
Newdow Prays for the ACLU-PFAW Lawsuit Success

(SAN FRANSISCO) The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) and the People For the American Way (PFAW) filed lawsuits in federal court today against all local, state, and federal government branches for allowing people to use such names as Christian, Cross, Christie, Cruz, Davidson, Paul, Priest, and any other surname that is related to the practice of any religion, especially the Christian religion.

Joel Baptist, spokesperson for the ACLU, stated that the use of religion related surnames on government documents discriminates against those people that do not have a religion related surname and also violates the Constitution's separation of church and state protections.

Muhammad Israel, spokesperson for PFAW, stated that PFAW members main concern is that taxpayers dollars are being sent to the IRS and distributed throughout the government by people that have surnames with religious context. Israel stated his organization is fighting against surnames because surnames have to be used when referring to someone, while first names can just be replaced with Mr., Mrs., Ms, or the new PFAW generic designation US (Undesignated Sex).

A conservative wacko far right reporter from Fox News dared to question the ACLU and PFAW's lawsuit on the issue by asking the spokespersons that they did realize that their surnames are religious based. Soon after the question was asked, reporters from CBS, NBC, CNN, and the NY Times physically attacked the Fox News reporter and bound his mouth with duct tape because of his unruly and disrespectful attacks on the spokespersons. US Baptist then asked the bound Fox News reporter to repeat his question but the gagged Bush patsy reporter only replied with a muffled "mmmgggmmmm".

US Israel stated that it was time for America to stop the entanglement of church and state that went against the Founding Fathers intentions while writing the Constitution and that they would also file suit to get the words "Creator" and "God" struck from the Declaration of Independence.

Michael Newdow, famed activist that attempted to get the word "God" removed from the pledge, commented "My God, they're going even further than I dared, hey do they want to use my daughter in the lawsuit?"

The Reverend Jerry Falwell, commented that he was going to make a "mint" off of this news and called for contributions to his private church account in Switzerland to fight these "Satan worshippers".

A spokesperson for the American Trial Lawyers Association called the lawsuits a "gold mine" that would open up new possibilities in tort law. Stating that if the lawsuits are successful, people could just sue a company for having a name tag that "injured and permanently disabled a person's self worth".

The Bush White House had no comments.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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