Sean Penn, formerly Mr Madonna, has announced that he intends to become President of the United States. The actor announced his plans at a meeting of his biggest fans, held in a telephone kiosk on Sunset Boulevard. As luck would have it, the kiosk was bugged.
Mr Penn said "I intend to run for office. America needs a radical, egalitarian shake up. Obama is only playing with politics. I aim to give America the socialism it has never had."
Penn, otherwise known as the older brother of the fat guy who died, has published a manifesto. In it he sets out his policies. Free everything for all immigrants, the abolition of prisons, muggers to be given counseling and health care for free, compulsory teaching of homosexuality in schools and the termination of the American armed forces are policies which are sure to polarise opinion. Americans will either denounce him as a dangerous Pinko scumbag or they will shoot him with a blunderbuss full of his own effluent and then denounce him as a dangerous Pinko scumbag.
Penn, who was once famous for no reason at all and is now famous but we can't remember why, is hopeful that he will get elected. "If Obama can win then there is hope for me".
