Dog Handlers an Odd Breed at Westminster Dog Show

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

image for Dog Handlers an Odd Breed at Westminster Dog Show
Could you pick a better looking handler? Dog owners think not.

One might assume that when the most fit and best looking animals are featured at the Westminster Dog Show, their human counterparts on the show floor might have similar attributes. In actuality, the event conjures up visual images akin to "Beauty and the Beast", where the dog is clearly the beauty part of the duo.

Following a long standing tradition at the Westminster Dog Show, owners of championship K-9's almost always hire a professional "Handler" to feature the dog during competition. Perhaps by accident, or coincidence, or maybe because champion dog owners would rather have the camera focused on the dog rather than the handler, the people typically holding the leash should figuratively be the ones wearing the collar.

"Butt ugly and porky", said one Westminster attendee. "It's a wonder some of them don't collapse out there with a massive coronary". Indeed. Many of the dog handlers had no physical or aerodynamic business attempting to run their animals around the competition floor. "It was like watching waves roll around the shore with a Chihuahua in tow".

Handlers are apparently experienced in calming their dogs down before the show as well. The Men's and Ladies rooms are generally full with handlers, providing their puppies with a sexual release before show time. "A couple of squirts in the sink and my pooch is ready to prance", said one handler who chose to remain nameless. Good thing too. Based on his pizza face, bad haircut, 300 pound girth and lack of wedding ring, we questioned if the doggy squirts actually made it to the sink.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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