Future GOP Candidates Will All Appear in the Nude

Funny story written by Evan Essence

Wednesday, 17 February 2010


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George, her tits were out to here man!

Following a playbook from the 2003 recall election strategy of California's governor Arnold Schwarzennegar, Republican strategists in Massachussets, manuevered mavarick candidate Scott Brown, into an upset victory...on January 19....apparently in large part, because he had exposed his private parts in a Cosmo Magazine pictorial.

During California's 2003 recall campaign, political analysts thought the movie actor Arnold Schwarzeneggar had little chance of winning the election, because he had no previous experience in politics, and therefore no political accomplishments to point to.

However, Schwarzennegar stunned the public by dropping his pants for the film TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES. And political observers note, people were so impressed by the size of his anatomy, that they automatically declared him Governor.

Now, with the upset victory by Scott Brown, following his nude pictorial, Republican strategists have concluded that the surest formula for getting a candidate elected is to pose in the nude.

Professor of Poltical Science, Barney Hampton, observed, "When the public is confused, upset, and angry about the issues, the best strategy is to drop your pants, and stick your anatomy in people's faces. This startles people into forgetting the issues, and the abrupt shock forces immediate laughter, and causes people to lose focus on the seriousness of the issues."

In addition, Professor Hamton stated, "political observers have often noted that the enduring streak of homophobia, within the ranks of the Republican Party, is due in large part, to ambivalence about their own, repressed, latent, homosexual feelings."

"When a male Republican candidate exposes himself in public, it gives Republican men, the brief opportunity to indulge their repressed sexual pleasures, all the while, laughing about it, and continuing to maintain their puritanical facade."

There is no hard data, yet, about how nude pictorials will effect a female candidates chances of being elected. However, Sarah Palin, who got her start in politics, by waddling across stage in a bathing suit, in a beauty pagent, is expected to be the first female candidate to undress, publically, in an effort to garner votes.

Meg Whitman...a Republican candidate for governor of California....may be the next female candidate to pose in the nude. However, there is some debate amoung Republican stategists....whether anyone really wants to see the 50 year, former CEO of Ebay, in the nude.

Editors note: Evan Essence received his Masters Degree in Journalism (2003), and his PhD in Political Science (2004) from House-of-Spam Internet Marketing

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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