Hollywood Pushes their own Health Care Reform

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Sunday, 24 January 2010

Hey!

The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Hollywood Pushes their own Health Care Reform
"Out of a Job?"

A number of Hollywood stars have been advising President Obama how to reduce health care costs. The saneness of their advice is inversely proportional to the size of their campaign contributions to the Democratic Party and to President Obama's reelection campaign, and to their boob job sizes.

These ersatz medical experts have provided simplistic cures to diseases such as cancer (which have been discredited many times by real doctors). The remedies seem to always involve sex organs and eating exotic fruits and nuts. Although, in some cases body rubs employing Emu poop are called for while doing various callisthenic exercises.

The goal is to reduce health care costs. What better way than to reduce the number of expensive board certified medical doctors by replacing them with Hollywood star authored do-it-yourself books, such as "Health Care Provided by Dummies." In fact the cost may be reduced even further by just listening to the various afternoon "Ladies TV Talk" programs featuring Hollywood celebrity guests. Thus, getting the information right from one of the horse's orifices! (One doesn't need to even buy the books, which may upset the celebrity's bottom line.)

A simple mathematical formula demonstrates this health delivery concept:

(C)x(P)x(Q)=Total Cost

C=cost per person
P=number of people
Q=quality of care

Medical professionals are eliminated, including real medications, thus decreasing C; P the number of people should be increasing, but is offset by the increased mortality rates of mid-life adults and senior citizens; and Q appears to remain high because of the perception that the USA still has a great health care system. However, the Total Cost decreases.

By employing such health care reform there is no need for "Death Panels" as they are hidden systemically in the process and become self fulfilling prophecies!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Subscribe…
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot