Written by BCBass

Monday, 4 January 2010

image for Three-Year-Old Shoots Father, Claims Purple Dinosaur Told Him To

ANAHEIM, CA - On January 2, 2009, a three-year-old boy shot his father, an LAPD officer, with a service revolver. The shooting occurred in the family's pickup truck at a traffic stop in Anaheim. Investigators are still trying to determine how the child got hold of the weapon. The father remains in critical condition.

It is a crime in California for a child to find a gun and shoot someone with it. It is also a crime for a child under the age of six or a weight of 60 pounds to be unrestrained in a moving vehicle. The boy was not wearing a safety belt.

Anaheim police are beginning a criminal investigation, involving both the father and the boy. They believe the boy has a history of drug use, and detectives have discovered several pages of conspiratorial sketches on a little writing desk in the child's room.

"They were drawn in crayon, but that's not unusual," the head investigator told reporters.

"What interested us was that the drawings were done in red crayon. There were also some..well they looked like words, and they were scrawled out in characters we didn't understand. We think they may be satanic ciphers. We also have reason to believe that the boy's actions were influenced by the music of either Marilyn Manson or a mysterious singer he referred to only as 'Barney.'"

The father has also been placed under arrest. Guards have been posted outside his hospital room to prevent him from planting any more weapons out in the open. Prosecutors are hoping to exploit a legal loophole and try the case as "suicide by cop by proxy of cop's child by proxy of cop."

The governor has already stated that he will consider no clemency or pardons if a jury decides on the death penalty. Outside experts, however, don't think it will come to that. "The boy clearly didn't understand his rights when the officers were reading Miranda to him. That may work against them in court," one attorney was quoted as saying.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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