Scott Peterson Blood & GPS

Funny story written by Rebut

Tuesday, 14 September 2004

image for Scott Peterson Blood & GPS
"Eagle 1 we've just been passed by a car doing Mach Plenty"

An expert prosecution witness confirmed that they had used GPS to track Scott Peterson after the disappearence of his wife Laci. They had however experienced a number of glitches, like the time it showed a reading that Scott was travelling at 30 000 mph in his car.

The only glitch was in the moron monitoring the system. Who doesn't remember the night OJ Simpson took on the LAPD? He was cornering at 30 000 mph. Apparently OJ thought the "real killer" was chasing after him. In his panic he apparently never saw the 654 cop cars, with flashing lights and enough sirens to empty every sailor out of the pacific.

Then having given the Scott Peterson defense their gap, our genius tries to defend the system used in tracking Scott Peterson. Dunno why they didn't just put a dog who likes fertiliser on the trail..but I digress.

Imagine Geragos, the Peterson defense lawyer in closing arguement : "Of course there's always the outside chance that Scott was travelling at 30 000 mph..and while you're considering that, why not also give consideration to all the other rubbish that they've passed off as evidence? Ta da from the people that brought you Earth travel at 30 000mph we give you ; Scott doesn't like angling, Laci was too pregnant to walk the dog and a yah blah yackety shmackety son".

My best was the quote of said genius witness : "It's not intended to be terribly accurate". Hugh Roddis chief technology officer, Orion Electronics, Nova Scotia based (Quote off AP Wire).

In the space of one day ladies and gentleman Hugh Roddis has put a nice little hole, below the waterline, in the good ship Prosecute Scott To Death and then for an encore, he kicked the hell out of good ol' Orion Electronics. Heres their next ad on tv :

"At Orion we may not be terribly accurate but at least we're giving our creditors 50c in the dollar". Hugh Roddis Shit? (Who wrote this shit?)

Well that went very well guys, cheer up there are many posts for people with your ability. There's a term lawyers use when referring to time limits : "Don't let the dies expire" - don't run over time. Here it will be ; D.A's better improve or they'll expire.

Anyhow! Next up was an expert who confirmed she found blood on a comforter cover which was seized in the Peterson bedroom. Obviously wasn't doing 30 000 mph then.....

The DNA is said to match that of Scott not Laci according to a yenta close to the case. Don't let me catch anyone sniggering, yentas know more than governments. Before he attacked Iraq President Bush phoned my hairdresser.

Due about now is another expert Pin Kyo (you believe this? He's Pinky Ostrokofsky by his mother by the prosecutors he goes by Pin Kyo). He's going to give evidence on lots of other goodies seized by the feds.

We close with this moving thought : Does anyone have a position for Hugh Roddis? Nothing major, something which involves electrical appliances maybe.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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