Written by Adam Click

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

image for Accountant Bernard Shoft, 39, Drowned in Red Ink
Bernard leaves behind a young son, David, aged 15.

Bernard Shoft, a third shift accountant at The United States Mint at Philadelphia, loved to entertain his fellow workers with his antics. Saturday night that tradition came to a sad end as he fell into a vat of red ink and drowned before he could be rescued.

Mr. Shoft was walking on a railing surrounding the vat, yelling, "Look at me! I'm a Tea-bagger!", when his foot slipped and he fell into the vat. Several workers ran to find a rope while others just thought it was part of his act.

"As soon as he yelled,"I'm a Tea-bagger!", he fell into the vat. He kept screaming, "Help! Help! I'm drowning in red ink!", explained Hillary Jackson, a fellow accountant. "We all thought it was hilarious. It wasn't until he went under that we realized he was actually drowning."

Mr. Shoft was married to the late Helen Shoft(nee Wheels) and is survived by a son, David, aged Fifteen. Beloved Uncle to Toad, Frodo and Alice. Further survived by other family and friends. In lieu of flowers the family suggests Best Buy gift cards.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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