US bigshot Baz Obama has admitted to being totally confused by shit. He is trying to work out how being born in Kenya as a British citizen he ended up as President of the Useless States of America.
Whilst pondering this one of his secret service party crasher avoiders came and told him he had won the Nobel peace prize for sending another 30,000 troops to risk their lives in the sandy bit over the sea.Y,know the bit with all the oil.
To add to his dismay it turns out his mum in law is a witch and has been selling bottles of her magic piss on the corner across the street from the Pentagon.
But what has worried him most is his inability to like rap music.He has been heard round the Oval office practicing saying "yo bitch dats sick"
On completing this report for the daily bollox it is rumoured Baz is currently trembling under his desk trying in vain to access his twitter account and humming the opening bars to "we are the world".
Baz's doctor was unavailable for comment as he was in the process of prescribing a shitload of head pills for an unnamed President.
