Bush Administration Offers Vouchers to Middle Class Citizens Seeking To Flee

Funny story written by Ilona Ronay

Friday, 3 September 2004

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If You Don't Agree With Me, Just Leave!

Washington, DC--President George W. Bush today outlined his proposal to give vouchers to middle-class Americans seeking jobs, job security, affordable health care, and the promise of an eventual retirement that does not include sleeping on the street and scrounging through garbage cans.

"Americans who don't agree with my forward-thinking domestic policies can simply leave America," said President Bush. "I don't want to get too huffy about it, but if they are silly enough to prefer a country like France that has a 35-hour work week and 5 weeks of vacation each year, then c'est la vie, and good riddance to them. With these vouchers, we'll give them the means to do so."

The vouchers will entitle people to a one-way economy flight on any American airline to England, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Portugal, Austria, or Scandanavia and will also provide them with a little extra money to purchase inexpensive luggage, some bottled water, and a few snacks for the flight.

"We need to concentrate on making the world a safer place so that people feel safe in their neighborhoods," said one Administration official. "We don't have time to deal with petty domestic issues like the economy. Bill Clinton got it wrong when he said 'It's the economy. stupid.' The correct phrase is 'the economy is stupid and anyone who worries about it is stupid too.'"

"We're all about choice here," concluded President Bush. "I don't care that psychological research has shown that too much choice can be as bad as too little choice. Those Americans who want to be able to work at three or four low-paying dead-end jobs with no health insurance but be able to walk down a bread aisle in the supermarket that has 50 different types of completely inedible bread--stay here with me! You're my type of American!"

He continued, "And those type of people who are satisfied with small supermarkets and only one or two types of bread that are are danged hard to chew--go! Go! Pick up a voucher and start packing!"

Public response to the vouchers has so far been favorable. "Maybe they can do a better job with this idea than they did with the Medicare overhaul," mused one elderly couple as they juggled information on Medicare from 40 different sources.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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