Colin Powell, Condoleezza Rica and Donald Rumsfeld Set to Retire at End of This Term

Funny story written by Chuck Terzella

Thursday, 2 September 2004

image for Colin Powell, Condoleezza Rica and Donald Rumsfeld Set to Retire at End of This Term
This retirement home not large enough for all the Bush Administration retirees.

Reports from the White House recently suggest that if President George W. Bush manages to gain another four years in office several key players in his first four years will retire. National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and Secretary of State Colin Powell have all announced that they will leave the Administration at the end of this year.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, " It's true. Condi Rice will leave to go try and find a brain, Donald Rumsfeld will go try to find a heart and Colin Powell will go to try and find his reputation."

When questioned as to likely replacements for the departing trio, Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of even more anonymity said, " Well, obviously we're gonna put Paul Wolfowitz in the Defense spot as a reward for the success in the Operation Iraqi Liberation (O.I.L.)War; after all, it was his baby from the start. As for the other two, we still want to make sure we got some Black Folks in the mix, so we'll probably move Elaine Chou over to State. As for National Security Advisor I don't think it really matters. We're not gonna have any real security as long as Bush is President so that job could be filled by Bevis and Butthead, or even Rudi Giuliani."

When it was pointed out that Elaine Chou is Asian American, not African American Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of oodles of anonymity said, " Asian American, Raisin American, do you think we really care? She's ethnic as all hell and that's what's important. It's not like we ever listened to our Secretary of State during the first term so what's the big deal? Besides, Chou is kinda cute for a non white girl."

When questioned as to whether John Ashcroft or Tom Ridge had expressed any plans to leave at the end of this term Waterhouse, speaking on the condition that this was his last paragraph said, "Just between you and me, we'd all like to see Ashcroft go but quite frankly we're all too scared to ask him to leave. That is one freaky dude. Once you let a rabid attack dog in the house it's not that easy to get him to go away again. As for Ridge, we're gonna keep him. George Bush not withstanding, it's nice to have a little comic relief now and then. Duck Tape and plastic, that still kills me."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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