Spark Notes Still Not Available for Health Care Bill

Funny story written by Ray Smith

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

image for Spark Notes Still Not Available for Health Care Bill

The delay of the Senate Health Care Bill Vote has puzzled many Americans. Citizens wonder when they will know if a new government run health care system will provide America with much needed relief. A report out of the White House early Wednesday morning revealed the reason.

With deadlines looming in front of Senators for a vote, and President Obama urging action, the elected members find themselves in a tough bind.

"No matter how hard I look, I just can't seem to find a summary of this bill," said Sen. Harry Reid. "I've literally tried every Google search imaginable. There's nothing out there. Literally, nothing!"

The 2,074 page bill was distributed almost a month ago, but like always, Senator Reid and his colleagues waited too long, and now, with a demand for a vote, the Senator has resorted to a search for Spark Notes.

"I don't know why they assigned so much reading," Reid said. "This is unbearable. It reminds me of the time in college when I had that professor that would always assign books written this year, thus creating no opportunity for Spark Notes to come out with a summary."

Senator Reid isn't the only one struggling with the new bill. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, a key supporter of the bill, recently admitted in an exclusive interview that she herself has not read the entire bill.

"After searching online with, 'health care bill+summary' and 'health care bill+notes', I wasn't able to find anything," Pelosi said. "The only thing I did find was a site that summarized the first part of the bill. After that, I had to enter my credit card and pay for the rest of it. How am I supposed to know if it's good or not? I could be wasting ten dollars!"

Younger voters have seemed to take a sympathetic role towards the Congress members.

"They expect them to read how much?" said senior Jon Rucini of Allegheny College. "My Lord, I was assigned 35 pages to read from Monday to Wednesday and that's not doable. There are simply some books out there that do not have the summaries. And that's understandable."

With a nation on edge and an ever so important vote hanging in the halls of Congress, one must wonder, when will a vote be reached? Senator Reid offered a prediction:

"As soon as someone can scour the internet and find a summary, that's when."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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