Banks are getting ready for a second assault

Funny story written by Mark Merton

Monday, 23 November 2009

image for Banks are getting ready for a second assault

New York Stock Exchange insiders warned financial reporters that the banks were getting ready for a second assault on public funds. They fear that the forthcoming assault would be bigger and more ferocious than the first one a few months ago.

One veteran insider said that this was due to the ease with which the first attack was carried out. Governments and civil institutions had no doubt that the whole world was collapsing, and they handed over billions to bankers without even asking if the banks would ever lend a dime to a collapsing customer.

A commentator said at a private conference organized by global banks that charging the customer on every conceivable opportunity would be a good way of making easy profit. He cited the example of Viza Credit Cards making a billion and a half every day just by manipulating the exchange rate applied to their cardholders. He also added that a commission charge for converting one currency to another was the icing on the cake as the conversion itself was indeed a perfect money-maker.

Answering questions from the invited elite of the financial sector Mr Strauss-Khan said that the banks would not see these charges enough to satisfy their thirst. They would probably make a new assault on public funds after this Christmas. "Their aim would be to make everyone indebted to them in such a manner that there would be no exit left open for anyone" said the IMF chief.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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