Written by Morgan Truce

Monday, 23 August 2004

image for Man Trapped in Outhouse 17 Days!

KENTUCKY (AP) Darrel Bumps became annoyed when members of his family kept opening the door to his outhouse while he was sitting on the seat. His need for privacy overtook common sense last month when the rural Kentucky farmer went through his junk pile and found a lock to install on his outhouse door.

He waited for a few days to begin the project--- knowing that his wife and six children would be going on a three-week vacation with the in-laws. Darrel never went on these "vacations" because the in-laws were a bunch of uppity people with indoor plumbing. He always enjoyed the quiet time at home in his house---without all the commotion of his large family. After a few quiet days, Darrel went to work on installing the lock on his outhouse.

Darrel Bumps was not much of a carpenter. His granddaddy had built the house he and his family lived in. The outhouse was a crude affair that Darrel himself had built a few years back. Now he managed to use an odd combination of nails and screws to attach his junk pile lock to the outside of the outhouse door. He stood back and admired his work. It certainly didn't look like much, but he figured it would do the trick.

The next morning about 8 AM Darrel Bumps got the urge to visit his outhouse--- more or less like clockwork with him. Unfastening his bib overalls as he approached the outhouse, he flipped the new lock and stepped inside to now-secure private domain. By and by, he finished up his business and washed his hands in the little basin with some of the water from the pitcher of water that his wife had insisted on keeping in the corner of the small building.

As soon as Darrel Bumps reached for the door, he knew he was in trouble. He pushed a bit on the door, but it would not open. He jiggled the door. After thirty minutes of pushing and shoving, he realized what a mistake he had made by screwing that lock to the outside of his outhouse! He tried screaming fro a while, but knew there was no one around fro several miles. He sat in his outhouse trying to figure out what to do next.

Hours passed while he sat trying to figure out what to do. After a long day with the sun baking down on the little outhouse, Darrel almost welcomed the cool evening. He soon fell asleep while sitting on the crude seat he had fashioned with his chain saw several years back.

And so the unfortunate farmer sat--- trapped in his own outhouse for 17 days. The only luck he had was having that large pitcher of water to drink from.

When his family finally returned home, they heard the commotion coming from the outhouse. Managing to unlock the contraption on the door, one of the little girls asked, "Maw, who's thet skinny man in there?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Family, Kentucky

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