Sarah Palin Admits Masturbation Habit

Funny story written by NickFun

Wednesday, 18 November 2009


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Sarah Palin Admits Masturbation Habit
Sarah Palin enjoys touching herself according to her new book "Going Rogue"

45-year-old former beauty queen, former Alaska Governor and current best selling author Sarah Palin revealed in an unusually candid portion of her new book "Going Rogue" that she has frequently masturbated during her term as governor.

"My husband is frequently out of town doing his snowmobiling or something", Palin wrote in reference to her husband, BP oil field worker and snowmobile enthusiast Todd Palin. "During those times I have found ample opportunity to explore the pleasures of my own body".

Ms Palin stated that she sometimes feels conflicted between her insatiable desire to achieve orgasm and her Evangelical Christian beliefs. "I think God will forgive me for this one guilty pleasure", she wrote.

Palin's husband Todd claimed in an interview that he had no idea of his wife's masturbatory habit. "She never told me she did that!" he exclaimed. "Had I known, by the will of Jesus, I would have forced her to stop!"

Ms. Palin claimed that she sometimes fantasizes about men of power such as Cuban dictator Fidel Castro, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, Israeli President Shimon Peres, Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao and female German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

"I don't consider myself a lesbian or bisexual but that Merkel is HOT", Palin declared.

Some sources believe that Palin came "out of the closet" with her masturbation habits simply to titillate and arouse men who find her attractive.

"I just think we should be honest with the American People", she said later. "Masturbation is normal and healthy. I try to encourage my kids to masturbate instead of have sex but you know how kids are!"

Arizona Senator John McCain fully supports his former running mates self-exploratory pleasures. "I did that myself once when I was in college", McCain stated.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more