Super Heroes Consider Strike Action

Funny story written by Football mole

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

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A Government watchdog think tank has recently released a report detailing a definitive correlation between UK crime levels and overzealous health and safety regulations.

Chief executive of the watchdog, Rex Fido, 89 said: "At first we thought that the judiciary system was at fault because of the amount of bureaucratic red tape tying the hands of our boys in blue."

But now it has emerged that new legislation has all but rendered our super heroes obsolete.

Experts have observed that our instantly recognisable sentinels of law enforcement will now have to restrict the use of their super powers, or face the threat of prosecution.

One disgruntled super hero who predictably wished to remain anonymous said: "What's the point of being faster than a speeding bullet if you end up with a load of fines generated by every Gatso you pass?" said the man while wearing his pants outside his trousers.

A spokesman for the World Organisation of Super Heroes (WOoSH) added: "Some of the new guidelines are just plain ridiculous.

"The Civil Aviation Authority (CAA) has now told us that Superman can no longer leap over tall buildings in a single bound in a built-up area unless his flight path is pre-registered with the nearest control tower and all the correct licenses and paper work are in order.

"It just doesn't do his reputation any good being the 'super hero' who can clear a residential bungalow in a single bound, does it?"

Further evidence of bureaucratic meddling is that Batman has received a court summons due to unpaid speeding tickets.

"It's not just the speeding tickets", confided a close confidante of the Dark Knight who also wished to remain anonymous.

"He's also had to undergo a Criminal Records Bureau (CRB) check to authorise his working partnership with Robin, the Boy Wonder, and don't get me started on the insurance", said the wily old butler, 76.

Spiderman has also not escaped scrutiny with a new directive which orders him to wear a safety harness.

He raged: "It kind of makes life a bit difficult when you're leaping from building to building. I got all tangled up in me own web yesterday!"

Meanwhile, Wonder Woman is working to rule after failing in her bid to achieve more parity in wage levels compared to her male counterparts.
Law enforcement agencies are said to be "up in arms" about the level of government interference and have expressed regret about what seems to be "an open door policy for any and all criminal masterminds to do whatever they like".

Underlining police concerns, Lex Luthor, during a sinister and untraceable broadcast from a secret location, said: "I, Lex Luthor, finally have the upper hand. Soon the world will tremble at my genius etc…"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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